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This Is Not For You

by Beth White

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1.
Voice 058 02:27
I'm gonna speak my mind Don't care whose toes I step on And if that's alright We'll live and let live and just carry on Do you speak my language? Coming from this place of anguish I'm raging When you're not engaging with the world outside your own Talking about my freedom My freedom of expression But I'm getting the impression You're competing with oppression And it's so convenient The way you're chiming in You're not a man but you're mansplaining I'm gonna speak my mind Don't care whose toes I step on And if that's alright We'll live and let live and just carry on Do you speak my language? Coming from this place of anguish I'm raging When you're not engaging with the world outside your own
2.
Hide Me 03:04
I've got a dirty little secret And I don't trust anyone to keep it safe What will you think of me? It's so embarrassing My heart is the same Cuz it wants what it wants With no regard for consequences My desires are circumvented I'm keeping them in boxes Hide me Hide me away Don't ever let it see the light of day And you'll say it's easier this way Hide me Hide me away Don't ever let it see the light of day And you'll say it's easier this way Weigh up the pros and cons of telling everyone And I'll kiss your mouth To stop the words from coming out It's not allowed It's not allowed Hide me Hide me away Don't ever let it see the light of day And you'll say it's easier this way Hide me Hide me away Don't ever let it see the light of day And you'll say it's easier this way This way I'll be keeping you from harm if If I keep you in the dark It must not be important You're thinking nothing of it When there's monsters in the closet Hide me Hide me away Don't ever let it see the light of day And you'll say it's easier this way Hide me Hide me away Don't ever let it see the light of day And you'll say it's easier this way
3.
I'm not stupid I know what this is Practice I'm not stupid I know what this is Practice And you're assuming I know what I'm doing I must look like the type, I look like a whore Horses don't get taken for a ride more than this Are you taking the piss? Yeah, I know what this is No, I'm not your practice girl I'm not about to show you how this works So don't ask me honey No, I'm not your practice girl You're not allowed to try this on me I'm not stupid I know what this is Practice And you're assuming That I'm consenting, but You're not even my friend I'm offended Did you leave your white lab coat at home? Are you a scientist obsessed with your latest experiments? My body is not a body of work for you to figure out Or master You're such a selfish bastard No, I'm not your practice girl I'm not about to show you how this works So don't ask me honey No, I'm not your practice girl You're not allowed to try this on me Less about frigidness More about ownership I'm sick of these practices Less about frigidness More about ownership I'm sick of these practices More about openness Less about taking advantages Cuz I know what this is I'm not stupid I know what this is
4.
The Cat 04:01
Hey stranger, what's your name? It's really nice to meet you, see you again Hey lover, what's your game? Might I say your angle is mighty insane I'm stuck inside all the time in my mind A penny for my thoughts Sick and tired of this life Even more exciting when you're out of sorts The cat has got your tongue now Its claws so deep inside Letting blood fill your mouth You can't say you ever tried So darling, tell me true Tell me of the privilege of being you At least the stranger I met before Doesn't see seeing me as a chore You're stuck inside all the time in your mind The penny never drops You're sick and tired of this life Patiently waiting for the moment it stops The cat has got your tongue now Its claws so deep inside Letting blood fill your mouth You can't say you ever tried No, you can't say that you were alone When I tried a hundred times to see you at home No, you can't say that I didn't care I've been here from the start so don't you dare I'm stuck inside in this vice, so enticed Playing the role of friend But you and I think alike Patiently waiting for the moment this ends The cat has got your tongue now Its claws so deep inside Letting blood fill your mouth You can't say you ever tried
5.
6.
Voice 091-1 02:23
I'm not human I'm just an idea Am I even here? Am I even here anymore? I'll play it this way So that my wrist strains Oh I feel it Yeah at least I can feel something I just want you to be sure I just want you to be sure I just want you to be
7.
I'm about to feel uncomfortable Because I want to tell you all I made it weird You've got no idea It seems to me that it all looks pretty clear That I made it weird I can't stand the conflict A difference of opinion might inflict Cuz no one knows where things sit And it's possible that the pedestal that I thought you sat upon Went and got kicked I made it weird You've got no idea It seems to me that it all looks pretty clear That I made it weird Defence mechanisms Operating on a level that I can't see That I can't see But by that point it's too late And I've already said what I've got to say Even if it wasn't what I mean I made it weird You've got no idea It seems to me that it all looks pretty clear That I made it weird See, I'm a fence-sitter and a self-saboteur I try to get better but I just do it more Defence mechanisms working against my friends But I don't want to lose another again It's already over before it begins My skin is too thick for anything to get in I want to be better, I'm really trying Cuz if there's a next time That could just be it for me I made it weird You've got no idea It seems to me that it all looks pretty clear That I made it weird It's not the first and only time It's not the first and only time That this has happened in my life It's not the first and only time It's not the first and only time I made it weird You've got no idea It seems to me that it all looks pretty clear That I made it weird
8.
I feel it coming on again It starts in my fingertips and runs right through into my head Tell me Have you ever felt it in your nose? Cuz I'll tell you something for free That no one else knows Pins and needles I feel them coming on again It starts in my fingertips and runs right through to my head Tell me have you ever felt them in your eyes? Cuz I have I have Pins and needles I feel it coming on again It starts in my fingertips and runs right into my head I can track them through my arms Left to right, every time I feel them coming on again Pins and needles

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released March 18, 2020

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Beth White London, UK

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